Eminim dikkati calip kemiyette bir üyemiz yabancı forumları da takip etmektedir. O forumlarda paylaşılanlar arasından ilgimizi çeken konuları buraya taşıyıp okusak yeni pencerelerden baksak iyi/güzel olurdu diye düşündüm.

Ancak tercüme beklemeyin ne olur ben bile vakit bulamam.

ilk alıntı.

Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 4:36 pm Post subject: Why we fight?

I've accepted Master's collar. And recently I've been toeing the boundaries of what I'm allowed to do. Testing my limits, wondering just how much I can get away with. I realize that this is normal for new subs. But more recently, I've been engaging in a very REAL power struggle with Master. Something He is not deserving of. I'm questioning everything, and in that, I'm fighting Him tooth and nail, forgetting what I am and what I should be as I wear His collar.

So why do I fight Him? Am I looking for Him to further dominate me? Probably. I have this inner fire that I seek to be tamed. Before I came into the lifestyle, I fantasize about being "taken", "broken", etc. I realize this is a romanticized version of D/s but I long to be ‘forced’ to submit. I know that this doesn't quite apply in the real world. That it goes against the entire mantra of being submissive. In a power EXCHANGE, I give, and I receive. I’m only giving a fight as of late, how can I expect to receive more Dominance if I give less submission?

So am I fighting because perhaps I’m not really submissive? Because I only have submissive ‘tendencies’ that wax and wane faster than the moon does? Well, if that’s the case than it’s quite frustrating. I don’t even know… I’m 21, still looking for my identity. And then does that mean I don't deserve His collar?

Bah, as if the relationship wasn't confusing enough to start. Any comments are appreciated.