Bondage techniques - Keep it Safe

What was once considered a IM˜dungeon’ fetish is now making its way into bedrooms the world over, so it’s important to learn some tips to make sure your bondage play is safe...

In 1994, Stephen Milligan, the British Conservative MP for Eastleigh, was found dead of Autoerotic Asphyxiation (self-strangulation) combined with self-bondage. A US study recently estimated that between 500-1000 deaths each year in the States are due to self-strangulation, and rumours still persist that self-strangulation is what Inxs lead singer Michael Hutchence died from.

While you may not yet participate in the more advanced or extreme forms of bondage, such as self-bondage, you should still exercise caution and safety in even the simplest practices.

A pair of nipple clamps may seem harmless enough, but if they are left on for longer than the recommended 20 minutes they could cause discoluration of the nipple, burst blood capillaries or blood blisters. So if you want to be sexy and safe with your bondage play, here are some tips to get you started...

Safety in words

Communication is extremely important if you and your partner are prepared to indulge in any sort of BDSM activity, especially one that involves using restraints on your partner and impairing their mobility and natural reflexes.

With that in mind, you should let your partner know before you start your bondage session what you feel comfortable with, what you want to try, and what you’re unsure about. You won’t know how much you’ll enjoy it until you try, but don’t be afraid to speak up if something is painful or uncomfortable.

Similarly, if your partner is feeling uneasy with a practice you’re performing upon them, stop immediately until they tell you to start up again. After all, what could be your fantasy isn’t necessarily their fantasy.

Just because your partner enjoys being blindfolded during kissing or oral sex doesn’t mean that they will enjoy being tied up, too; the feeling of being blindfolded and bound can be quite scary to begin with, so take your time and don’t rush.

One of the best methods of allowing you and your partner to stop a bondage activity is the use of a ‘safety word’. A safety word is, quite simply, a verbal device employed by bondage lovers to immediately communicate a feeling that something isn’t going well.

Because BDSM activities involve a certain amount of pain as well as pleasure, simply saying, ‘no, no’ or ‘stop, stop’ isn’t enough to stop a practice if it’s not enjoyable for you, because these phrases can often be interpreted as role play. Instead, choose a word that is unrelated to sex so that you’re both certain of its meaning when it is spoken during a bondage or S&M session.

Some couples prefer to use the ‘traffic light’ system, which involves the use of three words: red for stop, amber for ‘getting a bit painful’ and green for go. If this seems a little complicated, choose a word or phrase such as ‘potato’ or ‘steam engine’ so that there can be no mistake between you and your partner about when it should be used and what it means.

Physical safety

As well as using words to ensure safe bondage play, there are physical ways to ensure the safety of your partner (or ‘bottom’), or your safety if you’re playing the submissive or bottom role:

Talk about what you plan to do beforehand and take it in turns to be the submissive and dominant, or top and bottom, partner

Agree on a safety word and use it if your feel uncomfortable or experience any pain

If your partner has been gagged and cannot verbally communicate your safety word, give them an object to drop on the floor when they want the session to stop for any reason. A ball, bell or book works well in such situations

Never put a rope or sling around someone’s throat unless it is a specifically designed collar such as the Ultimate Leather Collar or Leather and Chain Lead

Avoid restraints that could impair your partner’s breathing

Keep checking to make sure your partner’s hands and feet aren’t getting cold or turning blue, as this is a sign of poor blood circulation and you will need to stop

Never leave your partner alone if they are tied up

Make duplicate copies of any keys used in your bondage toys in case you lose the original keys

Test all quick-release mechanisms beforehand so that your partner can be released quickly and easily in an emergency

Avoid using complicated equipment if you have never tried bondage before

Use Sex Toy Cleaner on all your bondage toys after each single use to avoid bacteria build-up and lower the risk of infection, especially if you have been using your toys in S&M activities

Lastly, it is worth building up a BDSM first aid kit, containing all duplicate keys and safety instructions for your bondage and S&M toys, as well as bandage scissors (with one flat blade), and standard first aid kit items, and Sex Toy Cleaner and lubes.